Wow! I will just start with that. I am sorry it’s been so long since I have posted but as you will soon find out life has been very very crazy!

After my wonderful birthday on the 18th of February things were going well until the 5th of March. My grandmother who had been in the hospital never got out….I went to see her on the 4th after canceling an appointment to get my taxes done because I was told it may be the last time I get to see her. I held her hand and talked to her for a while and she was still alert. She had been battling lung cancer for 5 years and was on a breathing machine that forced air into her lungs. It was impossible to fight back the tears but I know she knew what was going to transpire in the next 24 hours. At one point I kissed her on the cheek and asked her if she was going dancing with me for St. Patricks day and through the pain, lack of oxygen, and her breathing mask she laughed and smiled. I told her I love her and that was the last thing I ever got to tell her, she passed away the next day with most of the family there. It has been hard especially with Easter passing but we are all pulling together. She is a good part of the reason for my creativity and strong attitude. This is a photo I had taken about 2 hours before I got the call that she had passed and it symbolized to me her freedom at last. I printed this and wrote a message to her on the back that I read at the service and it was burried with her that way no one will ever forget how loved she is….. Thanks to everyone for all of the love and support this month it has really meant so much to me.

On a bit of a happier note, my career has like blown up in the past 2 weeks. I really don’t even know where to start so I will just pick one! There is a local magazine that is up and coming in my area that will be focused on the music and arts of the Berkshires. I had designed a cover for them using one of my photos and photoshop and they loved it! I received an e-mail shortly after from a gentleman who wanted to offer me a job as an outreach coordinator and graphic designer! I mean it litterally found me which was very exciting! It is very part time for now but I enjoy it so far and I am very excited to see where it leads!

That same magazine also told me that when they get a space they would like to offer me studio space and subcontract me which would be amazing! They would provide the clients and the space and I would take the photos and actually just get to be a photographer! I really am hoping this works out because it would be so wonderful!

Last of all for now I have a fashion shoot this saturday in Connecticut to do promo shots for an upcoming fashion show that will be held next month at CCSU. I am very excited and a bit nervous to travel but I will have tom with me, my laptop and all of my gear that I can fit.

So that is only part of my life right now, I will leave it at that and fill you in on the rest as it develops, I just try not to make the blogs to wordy that way you will actually read all the way down here! (hopefully) As always I love to hear your comments and feedback, thanks so much!

Kaitlyn

Yesterday I turned 23 years old and Tom surprised me with an hour long holistic full body massage! It was magical, I still have the craziest body high. I am by far the luckiest person alive to have found a man like Tom. I can honestly say I am happy with where I am at right now. This is not who I thought I would be, but I am proud of who I am. I never thought I’d be an artist, engaged, or goal oriented. I think I woke up one day about 2 years ago and realized what I could accomplish. I often feel like I am at a dead end with things and I never know where to go next, but I am realizing I am really just at the beginning of a long and joyful journey if I play my cards right. I really don’t know where my vision will take me but I am hoping it is somewhere with lots of high fashion photo shoots with people OTHER than myself to style them and do the makeup.

I recently added myself to model mayhem (Mayhem #1569952) and I am pretty happy to see so many models that are local. I need paying customers but I need portfolio work too, and I can’t see to kill two birds with one stone in this situation so I will have to do some for free. I don’t mind that at all except for the fact that photography is one of my only sources of income. I hope to go far beyond a local studio in the photography industry to the cat walk or sports arena. I have a lot of research to do in order do any of this because once again, I am totally on my own here. I am happy to say I have been slowly meeting more people which makes this journey a bit easier to navigate however it is so overwhelming and I feel lost most of the time. I think the best thing I have figured out so far is that there is no right way to do anything, only your own way. I always thought there was some magical path and right way to be successful but I have figured out that it is all about attitude and finding your own path. I am beating my path through some tall grass but it is there. I have a long way to go but I will keep trying.

On a more technical note, I got Windows 7 installed last night and did a BIOS update and i must say it is like a completely new computer! I have a laptop with 4gigs of RAM and with Vista nothing ever ran right. I am a photographer and that means I usually always have at least a web browser with up to 10 tabs open at a time, photoshop, and bridge. Now I would imagine my laptop could run it, and it would have been able to if it wasn’t for Vista’s RAM eating OS! Now that I have 7 things seem to be running so much better. I also was able to score a copy of Quickbooks Pro 2010! That will help so much in the running of Kaitlyn Marie Photography and Elemental Vapors. I sometimes think I am to ambitious but I know one of these will be my ticket to success. So here is to a successful year for me and my career!

I am finally done house sitting for my mother. I spent 10 days dealing with my 18 year old brother’s really aweful attitude about life all while trying to deal with a lot of other emotional baggage. I am just over it, I am drained and I need to put my head back where it matters. Do you ever wake up some days and just want to give up? Some times i just want to crawl back under the blankets and I think “what the fuck were you thinking when you thought you had a chance at a real career in photography?” Then I remember how much I love it, and that it doesn’t really matter what other people think of it because it’s something I do for me before anyone else.

I have also gotten my Elemental Vapors company site back up and running. I am a big fan of health and just being aware of what goes into your body so this site is inspired by that. I sell Vapor Brothers products because I love them and I support them. I am just so overwhelmed and I have so many goals and no where to go with them.

My biggest issue lately has been my lack of ability to afford the new camera that I NEED in order to advance anywhere. I CANNOT submit photos to an agency or shoot weddings with a 6mp camera. I just can’t. End of fucking story. I know I have the talent and drive to succeed but some days I just feel like I’m beating my head against a wall. My fiance’s sister-in-law is a photographer in NYC who just does NOT reply to any questions I ask and she is really the only person who I know who has some success in that industry, but it apparently will be of no use to me. So today I will try to bring my mood up and see the beauty in my life. I will try to keep going and NEVER give up. I will NEVER let anyone tell me I CAN’T or that I am not good enough. I WILL succeed.
Thank you for listening to my rant, feel free to offer suggestions. Until next time.

Wordpress somehow deleted my site bar? And now when I try to add more to the side bar it won’t work. I am hoping this will pass or I will need to work on a new layout sooner than I’d hoped for. It has been a crazy week so far due to the fact that my Mother & Stepfather left for a 10 day cruise and left me in charge of their house. It wouldn’t be SO bad if it wasn’t for my brother who really needs an attitude adjustment and has been taking out his anger towards my mother for not leaving him by himself on me.  Then to top off the week Tom put his elbow through my mothers window while he was knocking. Yea….. So I hope this blog resolves itself and that I can find the time for a new layout. Thanks to everyone who has been leaving my comments and linking me <3 I have been trying to edit my side bar to add links and as you are now aware of it doesn’t work….

I have really been so happy to be a woman lately. I don’t know if that is because Tom makes me feel beautiful or because I’ve found my inspiration and passion again. It’s fun to be excited about an artist’s performance, or a book release party. After meeting Tom we kind of stopped going out as much and I stopped listening to a lot of my music just because it no longer related to my situation. I was very happy during this time but something was missing for sure. I’ve realized how important to me music is in the past month or so. This weekend I threw it back, mostly to the 90s. I listened to old music, looked at old photos and i even had a vintage inspired photo shoot. Tom’s dad had given us an old video camera from the 60’s I think so I just went with it. I really loved my hair like that and if I can get away with it I will totally wear it like that more often haha.

On the topic of photography, every month I enter a contest run by samsung. The contest has a couple of categories and the winners of the categories each month win a point and shoot camera. Most that win don’t even want the cameras but I really need one, I don’t even have a cell phone and I am not bring my SDLR with me everywhere. To them it is mostly just a popularity contest there. I think I am a pretty relateable person and I enjoy talking but I just can’t get in over there. They say the points don’t matter but the judges I am sure only judge the top so many pages of each category. I never know what to post there either, so I will go with my photo that has been dubbed “Ga Ga Ooh-la-la” in honor of my 23rd birthday this year and her awesome performance at the grammy’s.

So I am going to go attempt it again for this month and I will hopefully pull myself from tumblr (Follow me ) and add some more photos. 

I am happy to say i have actually been very busy with photoshoots this week! This is my first month being open and i have done 4 shoots already. I did two Valentines day shoots this week, one sunday and one yesterday. I made in about 3 hours what takes me about 11 hours at my other job, I don’t really know what I didn’t do this sooner lol. I guess lack of equipment and confidence was one. I was proud yesterday for my shoot, I took charge, did her makeup and positioned her, I am definitely getting better at this.

I did actually post more pictures in my free images section but I’m not sure how many saved before my browser crashed. If you haven’t signed up yet you should do so and check out some free images for your graphics. I only ask that you sign up because its quick and it protects my images a bit from people who aren’t going to use them for just graphics. Thats all for now, i’m off to work!

It has turned out to be quite an eventful week for me already. I wasn’t anticipating it to be quite like it has. I had planned for a CPR & First Aid training & certification session Monday afternoon here at my house. I cleaned the entire house and cleaned my Photography Studio to make room for all 4 of us. Things were well until I got a call from my mother at the ER to tell me that my 18 yr old brother had been in a car accident. Him and the girl he was with were banged up pretty bad but they were ok. I was sent to retrieve some things from the car after the class (I did get certified on monday!) that night and I went into an anxiety attack once I saw the car. The entire front end was smashed in and both air bags had deployed. Neither one of them were wearing a seatbelt so thank the inventor of airbags for saving their lives. It wasn’t his fault, a crazy person thought they could turn before my brother got to them and they hit him head on…..I really really hate driving, people really are so totally clueless about the most basic road rules.

On a much happier note I had a great photoshoot today and I added a lot to the site. This is a shot from today. I have decided to share my photography with you so you can use them in your graphics for your websites and portfolios. I am going to ask that you sign up to view the pages with the photos because I feel as though it protects them a bit and requires you to agree to only use them for your graphics. I am in the process of launching my photography career but I do want to be able to share these with you. All of my photos will be available for sale eventually, but don’t be afraid to ask if there is one that you are interested in.

I also added two tutorials. These tutorials are focused on photography. I assume most people have cameras in their ipods, cell phones and also have great point and shoot cameras so I have included some photography basics and some point and shoot camera tips to help you improve your photos. Let me know what you think.

I have to work in the morning, I really love my job, it’s so rewarding working with the kids. I am a volunteer at an in home daycare 2 days a week, it’s fun to teach them but it is also very tiring. I got to put my skills into action on monday when I was left in charge for about 2 hours. I wouldn’t mind working with kids in the future if for some reason the photography doesn’t take me far. I might be shooting photos on friday and I have a booked shoot on sunday, there is still so much to be done. I get tired but I love my life <3

Also if you would like to link exchange let me know. Thanks to those who have left me comments and love, it really means a lot to me!

So I decided to separate my blog from my professional site. I needed a place to be more creative and a bit more casual. I have to say I haven’t made a graphic in about a year, and before that it had been about 2 years. I decided to stick with wordpress, I really really love it. It really has made the management of my sites so much easier while allowing me just about as much freedom as i would have with a regular html site. I am hoping that Eidetic Muse provides a place for me to pass on what i’ve learned, learn as much as I can, and make some friends. I set out almost 6 years ago to take some pictures to create graphics with, well shit did I succeed! I have thousands of images to create thousands of graphics in the future (I hope).

Speaking of graphics, I am going to see Avatar again at 7:30 tonight with my fiance and some of our friends. I jumped right on the Avatar bandwagon when we saw it opening weekend. Not only is the 3D adventure mind blowing, the story was beautiful. You will find as you read my blogs that I am not a religious person in the traditional sense. I feed strongly on energy. I am very empathetic and I find my anxiety to come from being overwhelmed with it. I have learned to channel it in more positive ways but I feel as though I see people, not just see them. The movie touched me on a different level and I can’t wait to do it again.

I have added some photos for you to use in your graphics and I will be adding more soon. I hope I can find my photography tutorials and add those as well. I look forward to many more blogs here at Eidetic Muse. If you are interested in a link exchange let me know, I will have my link back buttons available soon.

I took this picture on a beautiful drive

Life is pretty grand at the moment. I am starting to book shoots and build my confidence in every area. I have had no one to show me or teach me how to interact with people, how to apply makeup, or how to run a business so these are things I am learning. I really didn’t realize how important confidence is in success. I am also learning the difference between confident and cocky. The confidence is what allows me to put aside any personal relationship with the person i am photographing and to get in their personal space to put makeup on them or just photograph them. I am learning to work with peoples awkwardness and discomfort and I am slowly finding ways to ease the mood and create soft warm expressions. I did not grow up with lots of cuddles and hugs from all around, I find I have a personal bubble that I don’t like people in, probably because of that reason, so getting close to people is out of my comfort zone. I am breaking through this and opening up a lot, I volunteer at a daycare two days a week and being around the kids has helped me accept hugs and closeness a lot better, mostly because the kids have no boundaries and will tell you they love you and give you a hug whenever they want to. Also the more I do this the easier it gets and the more my confidence builds.

A Photo I took in NYC - The land of Dreams

Growing up is very strange in my opinion, to wake up and realize the world is yours, and everything you knew as a child was sugar coated and sheltered. For me it has almost been like a rebirth, a rediscovery of life and myself. I learn more about myself every day through my talents and ambitions. I had no idea what I was capable of and I have been underestimating myself for far to long. Growing up poor you often get locked into a mentality that limits you in life, it traps you and makes you feel like the only way to happiness is to win the lottery. I know this is not true and I have learned the only thing that was holding me back was me and the limits I gave myself. I have found a much better place in life and I am working hard to continue on that path.

In more interesting news today is no pants day in the subways. It started in NYC in 2002 and passangers are encouraged to wear no pants, only underwear with their normal tops and to act completely normally. It’s really funny actually to see some people’s reactions. You can view a video Here. Would you take your pants off? If I was a confident young woman sure! I told you…I’m working on the confidence….. Until next time! Leave me some feedback I would love to hear some of your stories and opinions of what i’ve said. Also would you or have you participated in todays no pants day?